Really guys, this post is what
triggers me to start to write again, I dont know where to start, but just an
hour ago, Brama came back from his church with his high school friends, he
already told me that his friend will stay in our house for a night, but what I
didnt expect is that his friends that would come is really so many, it is not
that I feel distracted by them, but I just feel envy you know, I dont fuckin
know why in the hell I always got this kind of feeling, anytime, anywhere. Not just
in this house, in the office also, in my campus, I just feel
like I am the
enviest people in this whole universe.
I must admit, that I envy him so
hard, for having a lot of close and great friends like that, the way they
talks, jokes, laughs was really priceless, yeah, I know, some of you might
think, “You still got plenty of family don’t you” Yeah I did, I have a family,
and I love them, but it is not about family, it is about some people who you
can lean on everyday, someone who will treat you just like the way you want to
be treated, I know, it is my fault, to be honest I did have some great people
who absolutely willing to listen to all my fuckin un-important stories, but I
freakin dont know why God, why you always give me this kind of feeling, are You
trying to make me realize my past mistakes?
Pathetic isnt it?, and
un-important as well right? Haha did I look like a crybaby by writing this kind
of post? Nah, nevermind, I know I am still just a boy, I just cant do what I
want to do, and keep blaming the
“system” yeah, searching for justification or even a scapegoat for my
inabilities, and for those who read it, please dont suddenly change the way you
talk or interact with me, that will just make me think that you help me out of
pity, and that is one of the reasons why I tried to conceal this blog, just
read it and pretend that it had never been written, ok guys? Thanks :)
"I know very little, least of all the people closest to me"
- Cal Lightman - Lie to Me Season 2 -
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