Things that I Don't Undertsand part.1

It's been awhile since my last post in this blog, it is not that I'm so busy, not also because I didn't have something in my mind that I need to share , it is just because I have already used to keep it inside my head, trying not to tell anything to anyone, because there's something that I really don't understand about human, something that becomes one of the reasons why I hate sharing something with someone.

First, I don't understand why there are so many people telling that they share something secret to you, and you try to keep that thing in your own head, where in fact they told that "secret things" not only to you, but to their other friends.
Is human really that weird? I mean it is secret right? why you tell everyone about it? and after telling everyone about it you still confuse why all people know about "that secret"?.
I'm trying to find so many justifications for that "weird action" but I still can't find the right one, it is just weird for me.

Second, why people get mad when I'm just being honest in my actions?

Third, Back to secrets, why people think when I'm sharing something that is quite personal to them, they are re-shared that personal things to someone else? and after they did that, they still wondering why I never share my stories, my problems, and my personal stories again? Please think!! I am not like you guys, you might be an extraverted person who are easily sharing something even just some small and insignificant problems? you told 6 people already about the same problem, and you still think that it wasn't enough to release all your sadness, or maybe disappointment, or even anger about something? And what makes me more pissed off is that you guys feel so lonely, feeling depressed when no one wants to hear your stories again? really? Guys, you are not the only person who has a problem!

Maybe I am overly-emotional at this point, but I just got disappointed, when I tell you guys my plan, where I want to go in my holiday, when I really want to learn playing some instruments, when I want to give a surprise for someone, it means that I trust you not to tell anyone about it, you guys perhaps enjoy when your problems got exposed, but I'm not, so please think!, being an extraverted person doesn't mean you can justify your unthinkable-actions.

Haha, I really need to share this thought to someone, but my disappointed about-my-secrets-being-exposed prevents me from telling it to someone, I don't know if it some kind of psychological abnormalities, but I'm glas I can still everything in here, so thanks blog :)

"Writing is something you do alone. It is a profession for introverts who want to tell a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it"
- John Green -

Flying Without Wings

Berasa udah lama banget ga posting sesuatu di blog ini haha, dan entah kenapa pengen ngepost lagu yang sesuai judul diatas, terkesima dengan liriknya mungkin haha, dulu mah ga ngerti artinya apaan waktu masih sd, sengaja di post yang ga pake video clipnya, soalnya malah ngerusak sepertinya haha. Enjoy the song, it is REALLY good one :)

"A simple line can make you laugh or cry"
- Westlife, Flying Without Wings -

What Will You Ask?

If you are given the opportunity to meet your God, and are allowed to ask him only one question, what will you ask?

I will ask, why God created me like this? why He gave me the inability to control my emotions, and why He in the first time created me with this unique character, haha sounds like a really stupid question isn't it?

Junk File #19

So, I ask yesterday, what I've done?
did my tongue slipped so much that all people around me got hurt?
did my words rude enough to make them hated me?
what I did wrong, and how can I change it?

Then I ask today, what I always do?
do I always remember to be grateful?
do I keep whining and complaining?
what thing that I always forget, and how to keep remember it?

Finally, I ask tomorrow, what will I do?
will I be a better person, by changing myself?
will I work and learn harder?
what should I do and how should I behave?

Even, time won't give me any answer
then, to whom should I ask?
God, I already ask you so many countless time
would you forgive me, and give me the answer?
Please God, lead my way, I don't know anything about this life.

Human Nature #12 : Ambivalent

It seems we are capable of immense love and loyalty, and as capable of deceit and atrocity. It's probably this shocking ambivalence that makes us unique

Kayaknya dah lama banget ga posting hal-hal yang ga penting di blog ini haha, dan sekarang saya tertarik untuk ngepost tentang Ambivalensi. Yap, belakangan ga tau kenapa, kayaknya saya sedang dirasuki yang namanya ambivalensi haha khususnya disaat saya mendengar cerita teman-teman tentang hal-hal baik yang mereka dapatkan.

Ambivalensi menurut wikipedia adalah suatu keadaan dimana seseorang mengalami dua perasaan yang bertolakbelakang di waktu yang bersamaan, jadi intinya kita itu ngerasa seneng dan sedih, atau suka dan benci disaat yang bersamaan, contohnya kalo kayak di film-film, ada seorang yang jatuh cinta kepada orang lain tetapi disaat yang sama ia benci kepada orang itu, mungkin karena latar-belakang, atau kejadian yang pernah terjadi di masa yang lalu.

Kalo dikasus saya beda, saya merasa senang sekaligus perasaan kecewa, sedih, atau iri disaat yang bersamaan, ketika saya mendengar cerita bahagia dari temen saya, mungkin kedengarannya agak ga masuk akal ya, haha tapi seriusan, saya tulus seneng banget kalo temen saya bisa senang, tapi anehnya disaat yang bersamaan entah iri entah cemas, rasanya ada sesuatu yang bikin "nyesek" haha ga tau juga kenapa?

Apa cuma saya ya yang ngerasain hal kayak gini? haha apa mungkin karena mencoba berfikir terlalu objektif, atau entah ada kelainan psikologis? haha, yang jelas ngerasain hal kayak gini jadi ga enak, bingung mau ngapain hehe.

"When you have both positive and negative thoughts about something , that not just ambivalence--it's a blockage"
- Zenshine -